Not another girl in Middle Earth
by NamelessNobody
Summary: Classic girl-fallsenterssomethings Middle Earth with a twist...
1. who is who and how?

This is my second attempt at writing Fan fiction, so back off if it sucks.

Flames will be used to burn all the Ent wives (YAY)

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"I can't STAND all these girl-flash-of-light-enters-Middle-Earth things. They're all crap!" Ashley Mirandos said to her best friend Stephanie Crozier.

"I think they're cute..." Steph said defensively. She would never tell Ashley that she had written a girl-enters-middle-earth "cheese" story more than once. "This one is my favorite!" and she opened one from her favorite author, Pirate Queen of Sixteen, who was an online buddy she was sure she'd never meet. Her friend started laughing hysterically. "What's your problem? I happen to enjoy laughing at these....stories." and her heart fell as her friend rolled around on the floor laughing.

"You, actually READ that crap?! I can't believe you Steph! Why don't we go tell Jack about your, 'Fan Fiction' obsession? HA!" Jack Dolen, the star quarter back of PHS, was her latest crush, and she made the mistake of telling Ash about it. 

"Why don't you get a grip. Let's go shopping."

When she got back, she ran to her room and cried. No one supported her writing, or they didn't know about it. She logged on and furiously typed out the fifteenth chapter to her story. It was bad enough that she hated her long, brown hair and eyes, but her lack of boobs came into play whenever Ash wanted to make fun of her. "Look at you! It's like you never got your period! You look like a second grader!" all this taunting and putting down made her feel even worse about herself. She was skinny for her age, 95lbs, but Ash's taunting made her feel fat. When she was finished, a mysterious person IMed her and claimed to be Jack. "Ok, Ash, you aren't funny." but the person persisted. "I've read your work and wanted to ask you if you would like to meet me tonight."

"I've heard about the child molesters that lure you away...I'm too smart for that."

"I know you are."

"Then stop acting like I am."

"Would you like to meet me?"

"Will you let me go to sleep?"

"Yes."

"Fine. I do. Goodnight." and with that she signed off and went to sleep. 

When she woke up, she wasn't in her room. She sat up and looked franticly around. "WHERE THE HELL AM I!!!" She screamed, hoping someone would hear her. 

"Good Morning." She heard a voice behind her say. She jumped and turned around to see who had startled her. "Jack?"

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Sorry it be short y'all, but I got to keep you interested.

Please review! Flames are for the Ent wives!


	2. onward!

WE OWNES NOTHING AND NO ONES SO GO AHEAD AND SUE US!!! AH HAHAHAHA!

gollum, gollum

NO, THEY WON'T SUE US, OUR LAWYER'S MY FRIEND

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS!

IM NOT LISTENING!!!!!

Anyways, 

flames will be used to set fire to Fangorn Forest (YAY)

Thanx muchos PerfectlyDemon!! 

Stormygurlz- They will get drunk soon, don't worry. ;)

( ) Thoughts

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"Yes?"

"WHAT THE CRAP? Do you write Fan Fiction too?! Now I'm scared!"

"What's there to be afraid of? When I clicked on this pop up about Middle Earth after you got offline, it said 'type name of company here' and since I had been talking to you..."

"So now I'm here with you (Which I really don't mind ;-D) and in,....Rohan?! Why are we in Rohan? How did I change? Did you change me? Oh...I'm gunna murder you..."

"Please don't. Here I am known as Eomer. King of Rohan." This didn't surprise her, as she loved Eomer and thought he looked similar. "This is kinda freaky..."

"Yeah,....considering we have to go to..."

"Why? Oh Lord, what did you do?"

"I screwed up. I have to take the ring to Mordor."

"SAY WHAT!!!" 

"Exactly. I screwed up the entire thing and now I have to fix it." He stormed out of the room.

"Why did he bring me here?"

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She dressed and went to the Hall where Jack, or know known as Eomer, sat on his throne. "My Lord, she bowed I will accompany you. But mustn't we go and meet the elves?" She then whispered in his ear let's keep it as real as we can, yes?

"Very well. Let's saddle up."

"Do what? I can't remember the last time I rode a horse."

"Get over it. Pick one, but the white one is mine." She walked out of the room, mocking him as she left. "Ok, which way is the stables?" She wondered around for a while and ran into a couple of things. "There it is! HA!" 

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Once they were three hours away from Rohan, Steph fell of her horse. "MY FRECKING TOES!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!" 

"Are you ok?"

"IF I BLOODY WAS DO YOU THNK I WOULD BE SCREAMING? OWE!" He started laughing at her. "WHAT"S SO FUNNY?"

"giggles Your toes are crooked!"

"AHHHH!!!" And she grabbed his leg and dragged him of the horse. "LET"S BREAK YOUR TOES AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!! AHHHH!" She let out a strange battle cry and the two started wrestling. Even though Jack was the star quarter back slash wrestler she pinned him with ease. Then they heard a horn blow.

"Orcs."

"Good job Mr. Let's-point-out-the-obvious." He rolled his eyes and mounted the horse. "Get on the horse."

She mumbled and mounted the horse. "ONWARD!" and the horse sat down. "FINE! I"LL WALK!" she got off. 

"Get back on there! They'll catch you!" 

"So?"

"So yeah. come on!" She reluctantly got back on and they galloped away toward Mordor.

"I thought we were going to see the elves first?"

"Oh yeah."

And they changed direction towards Rivendell.


	3. when stupid elves attack

Disclaimer- I still own nothing and probably never will. Go sue someone else

Flames are for the captured Ent wives! Help rid middle earth of these foul scary tree-herders.

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"I don't want to go to Rivendell!" Jack cough Eomer whined like a five year old.

"I frankly my dear, I don't give a censored" She replied smartly. 

After five minutes of careful thinking, she asked "If you're Eomer, than who am I?"

"What?"

"If you get to play Eomer, then who do I get to play? Can I be Arwen? O O O, can I be Lady Galadriel? Things that were, things that are, and some things that have not yet come to pass."

"Would you hush for a minute? The Orcs are going to hear you."

mumbles something about a female dog "Well then, lets hurry up so I can see sexy-uh, Legolas, Aragorn sigh and the hobbits. 

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__

When they finally reach Rivendell,

"42 bottles of beer on the wall, 42 bottles of beer, take one down pass it ah-" And she suddenly found herself face to face with an elfish arrow pointing at her face. "ELLO!" And she heard Jack/Eomer yelp as he to was caught off guard. "BRING ME TO YOUR MASTER!!!!" She said in a star trek voice {I do not own that either...}

"Ignore her, she's a little, odd. I wish to speak at the meeting today."

"It's over. They're leaving right now." The elves said hotly. 

"Say what? We missed it?"

"They just left for Mordor." The elves shuddered when the leader said that name and covered their faces. 

"Ok. Well, we mean no harm, may we stay the night?"

"No." The leader elf said cruelly as they picked up their bows again.

"Why are they pointing at us again?" Stephanie said, suddenly in the conversation again.

"I don't think we're welcome here..."

"Good job Mr.-point-out-the-obvious! Lets go..." And they slowly started to back away while the elves approached.

"We mean no harm! Look, we're leaving!"

"I don't think so..." and the elves said something in elfish, meaning ready...

"Mordor!" Stephanie said and all the elves covered their eyes and shuddered, giveing the two of them time to run.

"Hurry!" Jack/Eomer said and they galloped away into the distant sunset, and Steph fell off her horse again.


	4. On the road again

Disclaimer same as always

Flames will be used to burn my father at the stake :-D

This chapter should be good because I wrote it eating french fries with a fork in a bowl. (of course with ketchup...) 

Thank you ainu lote, for the, um, "detailed" review.

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"So, where do they go next in the movie?" Jack asked. He was beginning to look more and more like Steph's sweetheart, Eomer, hottie # three. (don't ask...)

"Um, well, I'm not going into the mines of Moria,...and even though we have bad luck with elves, I think we should go to Mirkwood."

"Ok." And then there was an awkward silence between the two. 

"So...who am I again?"

"If you ask me again..."

"What? Whatcha gonna do? Bring it, jock" 

"You're the one with the crooked toes!"

"Oh, you've done it now...Bring it shorty!" And he look at her in a weird way, considering he was at least a foot taller than her. 

"What?"

"Huh?"

"What was that look for?"

"What look?"

"You gave me the fish eye."

"The fish eye?"

"Yes."

"Well then, I just won't look at you anymore." With this he turned the other way and said, "To Mirkwood!" 

She planned her revenge all the way there. Not a word was spoken to the other except what was necessary. 

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After that night, Jack forgot he "wasn't looking at her" and started to try to get a conversation going. 

"So, what's up?"

"Ring wraths." He looked up suddenly and she snickered.

"Ok. Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"Look Jack, I just wanted to tell you, I have a crush on you. In fact, I have had one for a while now. I don't know how you feel about it, but try to understand. Please. Don't break my heart."

"Really?"

"Yes. And gullible is written on the sky." Jack mumbled quietly to himself. When they reached a great woody area, he pulled out a map and said, "I think this is it."


	5. Love is nothing but a dream

Disclaimer same as always and will remain the same without this story and I'm getting tired of typing it so I will just put disclaimer.

flames will be used to burn my sister to death

I love Orlando Bloom

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Stephanie started laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny?" Jack asked. He was getting tired of her jokes and attitude.

"The fellowship went to Lothlorien, not Mirkwood! Ha hahahahaha!" 

He rolled his eyes and turned around. 

"On the road again..."

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP? I AM GETTING TIRED OF YOUR B-S! Now, concentrate on what happens in the movie, ok? You are the only one here who knows what the f is going on."

She stared at him silently.

"WHAT?!"

"You cussed me out."

"Get over it."

"Look, if you cannot put up with me then leave me here to die right now!"

He started towards Lothlorien. 

"Are you leaving me?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?"

"You, you, argh!" She started into the woods.

"And where do you think you're going?" A voice said.

"Who's there? I'm warning you, I can fight like a man..."

"I have no doubt that you can."

"Then show yourself!" She looked over her shoulder to see if Jack was still there. He was gone. When she turned back around, she found herself face-to-face with Lady Galadriel. "Hi?"

"I know what you are looking for..."

"Really? That's a coincidence considering I do to."

"Are you sure you know what you are really looking for? Or are you too afraid to admit it to yourself? Think about it." With these words, she thrust her hands forward and knocked Stephanie outside the woods. {This was at least a mile}"What's going on? Hey, aren't you supposed to be in..."

"Yes, but you see, I have great power...oh so great power."

"You took the Ring!"

"Mwah hahahahaha. I wish. But I have greater power than that."

"Oh really? Well, I bet you I'm stronger than you will ever be."

"DO NOT DOUBT MY POWER, STEPHANIE FROM AUSTRALIA! DO NOT DOUBT MY WIT, MY STRENGTH, MY HEART. WHAT YOU SHOULD DOUBT IS YOURSELF, DOUBT YOUR WILL TO SURVIVE. I HAVE SEEN WHAT IS TO COME OF YOU SHOULD YOU NOT FIND JACK AGAIN. FIND HIM AND HETURN TO HIS SIDE. AND DO NOT DOUBT YOUR LOVE FOR HIM ANY LONGER!" With that, she was thrust again.

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She was knocked out for some time, and when she woke, she found Jack at her side. "What's going on? Wha, what happened?"

"The war is over."

"I missed it?"

"Ha Ha, yes." There was a pause before he said, "You know, I've always liked you. More than a friend. I loved you the day we first met."

"When was that? You never spoke to me."

"Because I didn't have the nerve."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

And he faded into black.

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She woke again, only to find that it was just a dream, and she was on the top of a strange tower. She looked down and saw that she was in Isengard. 


	6. AND AND AND!

Disclaimer same as always and forever. In fact, I'm not putting this on here anymore.

Flames are now for my sister

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Steph sniffled. She felt a cold slowly coming on and she thought about how she would get down. "LALALALALALALALA!" She sang to herself as she looked over the edge. Lady G had sent her far out and left her, then the bloody smelly Orcs found her and brought her here. 

She thought about how she screwed up everything in her life and this was her one chance to end it all forever. She reached for the sword and found it wasn't there. "Great." She mumbled to herself as she tried to find another way out of her life. "The edge...is so...near." She said mechanically and slowly started to walk to the edge.

"As quietly as I came, as quietly as I go, 

and thankfully no one is here to say no.

One more step,

a great big fall.

This is the trip to end them all!" And she leant forward and then...

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hee hee hee doesn't that make you mad? Don't worry. I'll put another chapter up ASAP!


	7. Eagles rock my socks off

Flames for every one!

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Gandalf suddenly appeared and asked her "What are you doing? Do not give in simply because you hate them. Make them hate you first." She had forgotten that he was up here. "That was a strange poem you said there. Did you write it yourself?" All she could do was nod and think she should've done it faster. "Well, don't worry yourself over anything quite yet. I have an eagle coming for me soon." and with that, she heard Sauraman's footsteps approaching "Hide over here." and they did their little fight thingy.

Gandalf jumped and before she left, she turned and said, "By the way, tell Lady Galadriel I'm not from Australia. I'm proud to be an American!" And she jumped onto the eagle and they went to Rivendell again.

She got to thinking and said, "I thought you had already left for Mordor?" 

"Why would I go there?" and then she got it. Lady G had sent her back briefly in time to fix what she screwed up. She fell asleep like always.

When they arrived, she found Jack at her bedside. "Yo yo ka-joe!" and he smiled. "Glad to see you're awake. We must be part of the Fellowship." 

"Did I sleep through that part?"

"Yes."

"Oh. cool. We in?"

"Like preps in a clique." She looked at him strangely, and then said, "Uh, I kinda hafta change" 

"I imagine so."

"That means leave for a minute."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry."

"It's Ok."

She dressed in the clothes laid out for her and went open the door.


	8. Surprize from

disclaimer 

flame from one

flame for all

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As she hurriedly put her clothes on, she thought about the first day she was here and the conversation she and Jack had had.

"Yeah,...considering we have to go to..."

"Why? Oh Lord, what did you do?"

'I screwed up. I have to take the Ring to Mordor. (echo Mordor)"

"Wait a minute...There's something wrong here..."

Knock knock knock

"Give me a minute! I'm not the Guinness record holder for fastest dresser!" She sat down and thought about all the possibilities that could have happened. "He could be possessed like the king was..., or he is lying to me...or..."

"Or Ashley set the whole thing up as a joke" Ash said as she entered the room. "You eventually caught my mistake."

"You have enough land to make a Middle Earth?"

"My dad's secret island?"

""What about all the people and orcs?"

"Money and costumes from the movies."

"Why?"

"Why? Because I got caught up in the obsession too. But I have enough cha-ching to make a Middle Earth and well, you're in it. This is where we live now. Ain't it great?"

"Yeah, but what about my family and school?"

"All taken care of. Welcome to the rest of your life."

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Whadda nice ending


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